Done With the Minor Leagues

Back in March I was OK with the minor changes that had taken place in my body since I started making an attempt at eating and generally being well. WELL. I'm not okay with minor anymore.

I am taking full responsibility for having been a total sloth. I tried, sure. I tried. In a most half assed way. I got on my Wii yesterday for the first time since I weighed myself on March 9.

I did the body test and am 2 pounds heavier than I was last time. I am also physically 48. I know some pretty sexy 48 year olds. Its too bad I know damn well they are not who Fucky the balance board is talking about. Bitches. OLD bitches.

Considering my exercise has been dog walks around the neighbourhood and occasional jaunts around Lily Lake, I guess I am lucky I did not gain back the entire 8 lbs. I have been using weights and doing arm stuff but that is only because I noticed my armpit fat and near died of shame. ARMPIT fat. Say that to yourself a few times and see how you feel. I've got some un fucking lovely lady lumps let me tell you. You want boobs? I have a them around the circumference of my torso. Bon apetit.

So here's the deal, I'm getting my body back if I have to pry if from the chocolate coated clutches of the Dark Lord himself. I am starting a project.

I subscribe to a few magazines. My favorite is Real Simple.

I'm going to throw myself into LIVING the magazine. At the end of another couple months I will see if I have made my life and my body better or wasted a colossal amount of time. I am pretty sure I will be dragging the people around me into this. There is NO WAY I will be able to test all this stuff out on my own, I hope no one kills me before I see some results.

The official start day will be Sunday May 1. I will be doing the prep work today, starting with grocery shopping. This is going to be really weird as I will be using a list. Already, for something supposedly Real Simple, taking the time to find a pen, paper, figure out what you have and then actually bringing the list to the store AND looking at it sounds like a tremendous amount of extra work. I usually take a more random and drunk approach. Hate grocery shopping.

In the mean time I am going to eat a giant piece of my Grandmother's chocolate skor, amazing cake and go to sleep.