- This in a frame was last Valentine I ever gave anyone. Because I'm cheap.
It has been about 3 years since I was in a relationship for Valentines Day. I got buzzed and made that collage up there. I did not even buy new lingerie. Or camera or software. Even the frame was just lying around my house. I take romance very seriously. Actually, the relationship was kinda dying and I figured the least I could do was give him something for the spank bank before I bolted.
Anyway, if I was in a worthwhile relationship I probably would put in a bit of effort, mostly just to post about on Facebook. However, my tendency to enjoy life and do fun stuff everyday makes Hallmark holidays like Valentine's seem pretty forced. I make fancy meals on the regular. All my undies are nice. I buy myself flowers and I find enforced sex days so very unsexy.
For 364 days of the year I know perfectly sensible women who couldn't care less if they have a man. Until the end of January when they start getting bitchy and bitter and you can SMELL the desperation. I can't even go to the bars this time of year because I am so mortified on these girls' behalf. They will drink themselves into believing the biggest idiots are perfect just in hopes of a stuffed bear and a rose on Valentine's day.
If I was a guy I would get so much pussy from January 20th to February 13th.
Can someone please explain the obsession grown ass women have with teddy bears? If you have your own apartment there should be no visible stuffies in your boudoir. Anyone old enough to invite naked men into their room should not have dolls, bears, unicorns, cabbage patch kids or anything else that can watch and judge how ankles look as earrings, on their bed.
There is such immaturity surrounding love and sex it is really getting creepy. Like, enough is enough. I saw a woman in a store who looked older than me. She was eyeing Hello Kitty thongs and camisoles. Really? For what? Or whom? Is she dating a guy in middle school? Even if she was herself in middle school beloved children's characters are not supposed to be plastered on genitalia!
Grow the hell up, hit Bed Bath & Beyond for some age appropriate bedding and for God's sake if you need to have a cutesy character on your lingerie go for the Playboy bunny and not a character that your man is going to associate with little girls or bedtime stories told by his mom.
I would also like to state for the record that just because I think Valentine's day is kinda stupid does not mean I hate men. I hate that assumption. I love men. I have one that is 15 and hilarious and used to go everywhere in a batman cape. There are men who make me smile every single day and who I know appreciate me on levels way beyond wanting to cop a feel. They will clean up gross stuff, deliver salt for icy stairs and punch out other dudes who are mean to me. Guys remind me that the best laugh is a laugh at yourself. They can keep a joke running for decades.
Women can do that too, for sure. However in all honesty, as the owner of a vagina I can attest that we as a gender tend to reserve that skill more for grudges than jokes. Like when the poor bastard we hitched our wagon to forget a Valentine's day and we harp on it for the rest of the relationship and then the following year are totally baffled as to why we are alone. Puhleeeeese. Get over it sisters. Why waste another minute surrounded by care bears wearing a Hello Kitty thong when you could be picking out the perfect flowers, wine & meal for yourself, your kids or your friends, you know, the people you really love you 24/7 3 6 5!
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