More To Love

I wanted to make this photo totally honest. Just me in my bare natural beauty. You would be surprised how much preparation and editing goes into that.

I couldn't do it without mascara. For some reason mascara = a shirt. I tried heels. I felt overdressed but somehow right. I tried hair up and hair down.( There will be entire future pages devoted to my hair and our relationship so for now lets just say it was an off day.)

It was hard to smile. Appearing semi nude in front of at least 4 people is apparently more serious than I first thought.

I stopped myself after a total of 4 minutes and 37 seconds of footage then took stills from the video then cropped and rotated and black and whited and agonized over what I had in front of me.

Its my nature, any woman's I think, to want to automatically put up the one in which I look thinnest. That is totally the opposite of what I am trying to do. I want to show whats really going on under my clothes and thin is not it.

I'm 5ft 9 and 168lbs. I'm 34, I've had 2 kids and since squeezing out the 2nd pup my weight has been up and down from 130 give or take to about 165. I have gained about 25lbs in the past year or so. No real reason. I chose my two favorite sins, sloth and gluttony, and we spent some quality time together. No big deal. Just 15 months if bacon wrapped lounging.

My official measurements as of yesterday were 42 32 42 which in a way was sort of satisfying. I'm a perfect hourglass. If viewed straight on in head to toe black and you grew up in the 1940s its dreamy. From the side, less so. Naked, like a stone age fertility figure.

I can safely lay on the beach without Greenpeace showing up to put me back in, and I must say, my bosoms are fantastic. However, play time is most certainly over. I cannot reasonably expect to continue on like this without ending up with hellacious stretch marks and an eating disorder. Or having to shower by stapling a wet soapy towel to the shower wall and rubbing against it then using some kind of tool to get at the folds.

I'm going to try something revolutionary. I'm going to eat as well as exercise. I will not cut out red meat carbs chocolate liquor cheese or cake. I will start doing yoga and boxing again and I will take more turns walking the dog. We will not return from a walk  until we find treasure, a sunset, piece of sea glass, a picture of something unintentionally hilarious, proof we did something great for our bodies and souls.

I will not set a date by which I will meet my goal. I will not set a goal. I will not be ashamed or depressed or feel inadequate. I will be my own motivator, trainer, and dietitian. I will change my body without changing who I am. I will make myself healthier without depriving my body and spirit of things they love.

Most importantly, what ever the outcome, whenever I decide this is done, with or without the Buddha belly, I think I'm fucking gorgeous and I will continue to think I'm fucking gorgeous. That is all. Here I am.

                                                            The Empress sans Clothes.
　                                                           January 15th 2011