Heavenly Times

I know this usually comes out on Sunday and it was written but I was tired and my attitude was bad and everything just seemed really difficult. I'm sorry I've been absent, its the blue balls of the soul acting up. I will try to be a better blogger. Now on with what you're really here for...

Heaven is geographically like Earth, if Earth was designed by Escher, except no one falls off the stairs and the fish birds don't shit on anything. It is a huge place with a massive population. There is 0 emigration or death and a constant stream of new arrivals. There are little information kiosks and sight seeing buses absolutely everywhere.

Things like time and distance are irrelevant. The market might be just a little farther away on a warm sunny day. Then the moment you notice you have been strolling for a long time, there it is, and the journey did not take a second longer than usual. And you're not tired. Unless you were jogging or something and trying to feel a burn.

There are no hassles is Heaven. Everything is just around the corner, the right colour size and temperature. The lids on Tim Horton's cups never ever leak.

There is no rushing but no schedules. People still have meetings but no one is ever late.
Somehow, and this is what makes it so heavenly, whatever you want to do is as easy or as difficult, as near or far as you need it to be.

Technology in Heaven changes and adapts with its inhabitants at a strange pace. People in Heaven usually enjoy spaces that are a lot like there favorite places from life. Many even continue on with their life's work and the fruits of their ingenuity are seen all over heaven.
Being free to adapt and acquire things that enhance what we did in life is what makes Heavenly life so flippin great. You should see Irma Rombauer's kitchen! State. Of. The. Art.

In Heaven where there is no struggle to survive and no need for currency, unless you like using it. In which case you just always have what you need. Artists, inventors, they are not starving and share their work usually for free (see above re cash the same principle applies). Greed is gone from Heaven so royalties usually come in the form of a hearty Thank you and loads of positive word of mouth advertising. There is no copyrighting because everyone just knows who did what. And no one steals it.

In Hell, where there is crap loads of greed and therefore no royalties and no copyrighting, the inventors and artists too douchey for Heaven are forced to watch while their creations are shared and upgraded and in general mucked with by with all the people of Heaven for free and when recognized at all their names are all wrong. Things are busy in the ironic punishment department.

Mrs. God loves the art shows and concerts and often goes to the little jazz club run by Josephine Baker. Joan of Arc has a gym down the street and Mrs. G gets a kick out of Zumba.

Sometimes she and God have words because God doesn't feel a huge need to contribute to the Heavenly Arts Council. As inspiration for quite a huge body of work Mrs. God thinks he should be more accessible to the people and more of a benefactor to the arts. God thinks Mrs. God is going through the change but would never say it out loud.

God figures He came up with people, the earth the animals plants and built Heaven from the ground up. He thinks Heaven is a Hell of a town and even tried putting that on the literature and licence plates but Mrs. God put the kibosh on that right quick when she caught Mary of Nazareth, brochure in hand, on her way to a nun in Honduras. You would not have believed the picture on it.

God couldn't be arsed to come up with fancy toys for us to play with. He figures with all the free will and junk he gave us we should be able to amuse ourselves. He spends a lot of his time hanging around the PR department where everyone is pretty new to Heaven and too wet behind the ears to reign him in. Thats how the Hell of Town campaign almost happened.

When he lets himself have some down time, or rather when Mrs. God makes him, he really loves the gadgets we come up with. He just got a new Kindle. He is totally nuts over it. He's been completely absorbed in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy and has been driving everyone crazy. First he kept messing with the light outside to see if he could see the text clearly. Then yesterday, he looked Guttenberg right in the face and said "This is the best invention ever!" 

His name was taken in vain a few times that afternoon. Good thing that is one of the "filler" commandments that were put in to make the even ten.