God, Mrs. God, Esther (not the Esther) as she is known to her closest friends, and Jesus, all his zombie nonsense aside, really enjoyed Jesus' birthday celebrations. As usual Heaven partied it up late into the wee hours Sunday morning.
Everything went off without a hitch, the food was fantastic, Jesus was at his best turning everything that would stay still into wine, root beer and the tastiest little crab things anyone ever had.
She was is such a good mood she did not even correct Jude when one of the camels backed up onto his foot and he said "God dammit!" then fell on the ground and did the Peter Griffin while everyone laughed their heads off.
Around 5am Atlantic Earth time Yahweh and his Son stood looking at the World. They saw a woman and a dog walking in the drizzle. The woman was exhausted and the dog was beside itself with joy.
The dog was fully aware of how wonderful it was to outside FIRST. No other dogs were out yet, and she was with her woman. She could smell the raccoons and some of the messes they had made. Best of all she could smell her part of the World coming alive again. It was good to not to feel salt on her paws. She kept rolling in the wet grass because she could.
The woman had come home from her job sometime before. She could feel the tired in her bones that were still young enough to have no business feeling like that. She was old enough to have two children sleeping a couple blocks away. Her son, was almost old enough to drive, and would probably have his licence before she did. Her daughter, would not believe in the Easter Bunny much longer.
Jesus and his Father kept watching and started to listen as the pair made there way to a spot near the Sea. It was dark but they could smell it and the sound eased the the woman's exhaustion.
They sat down and the dog leaned hard against her woman. Not for warmth, just because she could. The woman leaned into the dog, also, just because she could.
The two Men heard the woman think this.
I am grateful to be here,
To be stronger today than yesterday.
I am honored to have been given this strength,
and to have had opportunities to test it.
I am fortunate to have won my battles,
and privileged to finally have peace.
I am grateful for now, THIS moment,
and every moment of beauty I have ever experienced.
For each love I have had, for each loss I've endured
I've seen how treasured those moments and loved ones were
I am thankful I have a life full of love.
I am grateful there is still a road ahead.
I cannot see the sun but I know it is there.
Every season, each year,moment to moment, children grow, I get older
I am blessed with faith.
I have faith that the Sun will warm strawberries my daughter will pick for me
And the precious sea glass my son will press into my palm.
They will throw their warm brown bodies onto mine and hug me to the sand.
In this dark time I know the light is there,
I can smell the grass growing and feel fog instead of snow,
I know that something new indeed has risen and will rise each day forever.
I am of this Earth as my children are of me.
In love, peace and dignity we live together,
Love makes me strong.
The woman squeezed the dog, and in her doggy way the dog smiled. They went Home.
Ancient Yahweh and his young Son kept listening to the World.
In dreams, in waking thoughts, in prayers, God and Jesus heard GOOD. If war and hatred and greed and envy were a black wool blanket, they were seeing moth holes of light, expanding, as the blackness got eaten away.
People were loving each other. People were thankful for the day, yet they knew it was coming. They were loving the Earth, their World, and honoring her, and their family's and each other, celebrating in their hearts that they had strength that day, in that moment, to get up. To face the day and the challenges and the tiredness and still be grateful at the end of that day for, something.
As their beloved People, the points of light in the dark began moving around, sharing kind words, a smile, a few dollars to some one in need, or just doing their best to their best selves, God turned to his boy, "You did good Son."
"I know Dad. I'm gonna do more, I swear." Jesus said, and God was happy.
"Happy Other Birthday Boy"
"Thanks Dad."
..........."Hey Dad?"
"What is it J?"
"..............I WANT TO EAT YOUR SOOOOULLLLLLLL GGGGGRRRRAAAAAAGGUHHH"
Don't Give a Damn About My Bad Reputation
Showing posts with label heaven. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heaven. Show all posts
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sunday Times Vol. III JC's Other Birthday
Preparations are well under way for Jesus' Other Birthday. Easter time is kind of like Heaven's Spring Fling. They go all out but it is way less formal than Christmas.
Mrs. God can get a bit controlling about it. She is the original Party Mama for sure. The Seraphim, her go-tos when she is planning an event, have dubbed her the Holy Terror. More than once a they have been found huddled behind staging taking snaps of schnapps out of #4's hip flask.
Heaven doesn't go in for the pastel egg laying chocolate bunny deal on a large scale. Here's the thing about Heaven, do what you feel like at home, hunt for all the eggs you want, in public, we follow tradition.Mrs. God's traditions.
Look it up if you must the eggs and bunnies (hares more accurately) have nothing to do with the Resurection. It would be easy to just go with it and have a ready made, beloved tried and true party theme but no. Mrs. is having none of it. There must be something new every year. Thousands of birthdays later this is no easy task.
This year if she can secure a caravan of camels and get them past God, she is all set. If not, back to the drawing board.
Jesus wanted to have Dead Guy's Blues Band play some tunes and have a zombie walk through downtown Heaven but the look on Mary of N & Mrs God's face was enough to make him shut up. Right quick.
Jesus gets a huge kick out of his Other birthday. No one else gets two! He has been pushing for a zombie theme for about 1500 years now. Roughly when he 1st heard about them, and was all like "Hey I'm zombie Jesus.. ggrrwwwaallllll braaaiiiins... I mean souls dude yeah grrrwwwaaalll giiiivee meee your soooullllssss nom nom nom
Michael and Veronica were there with chair cover samples and overheard the whole thing. Said Jesus actually had the chutzpah to mention zombie pole dancers. He thought the Arch Angels could do it. Their wings would look "sick all flapping around like that". Veronica had to run out to pee when she saw Michael almost die on the spot, she was laughing so hard into her veil.
"No way am I hitting the pole Man. I don't care who's birthday it is, no way. I'm no martyr. Just no." was all Michael had to say about the matter.
"
Mrs. God can get a bit controlling about it. She is the original Party Mama for sure. The Seraphim, her go-tos when she is planning an event, have dubbed her the Holy Terror. More than once a they have been found huddled behind staging taking snaps of schnapps out of #4's hip flask.
Heaven doesn't go in for the pastel egg laying chocolate bunny deal on a large scale. Here's the thing about Heaven, do what you feel like at home, hunt for all the eggs you want, in public, we follow tradition.
Look it up if you must the eggs and bunnies (hares more accurately) have nothing to do with the Resurection. It would be easy to just go with it and have a ready made, beloved tried and true party theme but no. Mrs. is having none of it. There must be something new every year. Thousands of birthdays later this is no easy task.
This year if she can secure a caravan of camels and get them past God, she is all set. If not, back to the drawing board.
Jesus wanted to have Dead Guy's Blues Band play some tunes and have a zombie walk through downtown Heaven but the look on Mary of N & Mrs God's face was enough to make him shut up. Right quick.
Jesus gets a huge kick out of his Other birthday. No one else gets two! He has been pushing for a zombie theme for about 1500 years now. Roughly when he 1st heard about them, and was all like "Hey I'm zombie Jesus.. ggrrwwwaallllll braaaiiiins... I mean souls dude yeah grrrwwwaaalll giiiivee meee your soooullllssss nom nom nom
Michael and Veronica were there with chair cover samples and overheard the whole thing. Said Jesus actually had the chutzpah to mention zombie pole dancers. He thought the Arch Angels could do it. Their wings would look "sick all flapping around like that". Veronica had to run out to pee when she saw Michael almost die on the spot, she was laughing so hard into her veil.
"No way am I hitting the pole Man. I don't care who's birthday it is, no way. I'm no martyr. Just no." was all Michael had to say about the matter.
"
Monday, March 21, 2011
Heavenly Times
I know this usually comes out on Sunday and it was written but I was tired and my attitude was bad and everything just seemed really difficult. I'm sorry I've been absent, its the blue balls of the soul acting up. I will try to be a better blogger. Now on with what you're really here for...
Heaven is geographically like Earth, if Earth was designed by Escher, except no one falls off the stairs and the fish birds don't shit on anything. It is a huge place with a massive population. There is 0 emigration or death and a constant stream of new arrivals. There are little information kiosks and sight seeing buses absolutely everywhere.
Things like time and distance are irrelevant. The market might be just a little farther away on a warm sunny day. Then the moment you notice you have been strolling for a long time, there it is, and the journey did not take a second longer than usual. And you're not tired. Unless you were jogging or something and trying to feel a burn.
There are no hassles is Heaven. Everything is just around the corner, the right colour size and temperature. The lids on Tim Horton's cups never ever leak.
There is no rushing but no schedules. People still have meetings but no one is ever late.
Somehow, and this is what makes it so heavenly, whatever you want to do is as easy or as difficult, as near or far as you need it to be.
Technology in Heaven changes and adapts with its inhabitants at a strange pace. People in Heaven usually enjoy spaces that are a lot like there favorite places from life. Many even continue on with their life's work and the fruits of their ingenuity are seen all over heaven.
Being free to adapt and acquire things that enhance what we did in life is what makes Heavenly life so flippin great. You should see Irma Rombauer's kitchen! State. Of. The. Art.
In Heaven where there is no struggle to survive and no need for currency, unless you like using it. In which case you just always have what you need. Artists, inventors, they are not starving and share their work usually for free (see above re cash the same principle applies). Greed is gone from Heaven so royalties usually come in the form of a hearty Thank you and loads of positive word of mouth advertising. There is no copyrighting because everyone just knows who did what. And no one steals it.
In Hell, where there is crap loads of greed and therefore no royalties and no copyrighting, the inventors and artists too douchey for Heaven are forced to watch while their creations are shared and upgraded and in general mucked with by with all the people of Heaven for free and when recognized at all their names are all wrong. Things are busy in the ironic punishment department.
Mrs. God loves the art shows and concerts and often goes to the little jazz club run by Josephine Baker. Joan of Arc has a gym down the street and Mrs. G gets a kick out of Zumba.
Sometimes she and God have words because God doesn't feel a huge need to contribute to the Heavenly Arts Council. As inspiration for quite a huge body of work Mrs. God thinks he should be more accessible to the people and more of a benefactor to the arts. God thinks Mrs. God is going through the change but would never say it out loud.
God figures He came up with people, the earth the animals plants and built Heaven from the ground up. He thinks Heaven is a Hell of a town and even tried putting that on the literature and licence plates but Mrs. God put the kibosh on that right quick when she caught Mary of Nazareth, brochure in hand, on her way to a nun in Honduras. You would not have believed the picture on it.
God couldn't be arsed to come up with fancy toys for us to play with. He figures with all the free will and junk he gave us we should be able to amuse ourselves. He spends a lot of his time hanging around the PR department where everyone is pretty new to Heaven and too wet behind the ears to reign him in. Thats how the Hell of Town campaign almost happened.
When he lets himself have some down time, or rather when Mrs. God makes him, he really loves the gadgets we come up with. He just got a new Kindle. He is totally nuts over it. He's been completely absorbed in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy and has been driving everyone crazy. First he kept messing with the light outside to see if he could see the text clearly. Then yesterday, he looked Guttenberg right in the face and said "This is the best invention ever!"
His name was taken in vain a few times that afternoon. Good thing that is one of the "filler" commandments that were put in to make the even ten.
Heaven is geographically like Earth, if Earth was designed by Escher, except no one falls off the stairs and the fish birds don't shit on anything. It is a huge place with a massive population. There is 0 emigration or death and a constant stream of new arrivals. There are little information kiosks and sight seeing buses absolutely everywhere.
Things like time and distance are irrelevant. The market might be just a little farther away on a warm sunny day. Then the moment you notice you have been strolling for a long time, there it is, and the journey did not take a second longer than usual. And you're not tired. Unless you were jogging or something and trying to feel a burn.
There are no hassles is Heaven. Everything is just around the corner, the right colour size and temperature. The lids on Tim Horton's cups never ever leak.
There is no rushing but no schedules. People still have meetings but no one is ever late.
Somehow, and this is what makes it so heavenly, whatever you want to do is as easy or as difficult, as near or far as you need it to be.
Technology in Heaven changes and adapts with its inhabitants at a strange pace. People in Heaven usually enjoy spaces that are a lot like there favorite places from life. Many even continue on with their life's work and the fruits of their ingenuity are seen all over heaven.
Being free to adapt and acquire things that enhance what we did in life is what makes Heavenly life so flippin great. You should see Irma Rombauer's kitchen! State. Of. The. Art.
In Heaven where there is no struggle to survive and no need for currency, unless you like using it. In which case you just always have what you need. Artists, inventors, they are not starving and share their work usually for free (see above re cash the same principle applies). Greed is gone from Heaven so royalties usually come in the form of a hearty Thank you and loads of positive word of mouth advertising. There is no copyrighting because everyone just knows who did what. And no one steals it.
In Hell, where there is crap loads of greed and therefore no royalties and no copyrighting, the inventors and artists too douchey for Heaven are forced to watch while their creations are shared and upgraded and in general mucked with by with all the people of Heaven for free and when recognized at all their names are all wrong. Things are busy in the ironic punishment department.
Mrs. God loves the art shows and concerts and often goes to the little jazz club run by Josephine Baker. Joan of Arc has a gym down the street and Mrs. G gets a kick out of Zumba.
Sometimes she and God have words because God doesn't feel a huge need to contribute to the Heavenly Arts Council. As inspiration for quite a huge body of work Mrs. God thinks he should be more accessible to the people and more of a benefactor to the arts. God thinks Mrs. God is going through the change but would never say it out loud.
God figures He came up with people, the earth the animals plants and built Heaven from the ground up. He thinks Heaven is a Hell of a town and even tried putting that on the literature and licence plates but Mrs. God put the kibosh on that right quick when she caught Mary of Nazareth, brochure in hand, on her way to a nun in Honduras. You would not have believed the picture on it.
God couldn't be arsed to come up with fancy toys for us to play with. He figures with all the free will and junk he gave us we should be able to amuse ourselves. He spends a lot of his time hanging around the PR department where everyone is pretty new to Heaven and too wet behind the ears to reign him in. Thats how the Hell of Town campaign almost happened.
When he lets himself have some down time, or rather when Mrs. God makes him, he really loves the gadgets we come up with. He just got a new Kindle. He is totally nuts over it. He's been completely absorbed in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy and has been driving everyone crazy. First he kept messing with the light outside to see if he could see the text clearly. Then yesterday, he looked Guttenberg right in the face and said "This is the best invention ever!"
His name was taken in vain a few times that afternoon. Good thing that is one of the "filler" commandments that were put in to make the even ten.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday Times Vol II
There has been talk in Heaven for about upgrading the Prayer Reception System or PRS, as it is known.
For years (122 +/-) prayers have been coming in by ticker tape. A team comprised of former ticker tape operators from the Waldorf Astoria and Eastern European bureaucrats have been responsible for reading the tapes, sorting them by recipient, probability, subject and sanity then forwarding the requests to the right party. God, Jesus, Mary one of the Saints, Vince Lombardi, Santa or whomever.
The ticker came into use shortly (apprx 20 years but who's counting?) after its invention and was a huge improvement over the former, millennia old system. The FDP, Fairy delivered prayers, had been in trouble since the beginning of the first industrial revolution. When they formed health & safety committees to deal with the pollution in the cities and it's effects on their wings.
The committeees eventually turned into a union (the United Fairy Prayer Deliverers or UFPD) in 1884.
For years (122 +/-) prayers have been coming in by ticker tape. A team comprised of former ticker tape operators from the Waldorf Astoria and Eastern European bureaucrats have been responsible for reading the tapes, sorting them by recipient, probability, subject and sanity then forwarding the requests to the right party. God, Jesus, Mary one of the Saints, Vince Lombardi, Santa or whomever.
The ticker came into use shortly (apprx 20 years but who's counting?) after its invention and was a huge improvement over the former, millennia old system. The FDP, Fairy delivered prayers, had been in trouble since the beginning of the first industrial revolution. When they formed health & safety committees to deal with the pollution in the cities and it's effects on their wings.
The committeees eventually turned into a union (the United Fairy Prayer Deliverers or UFPD) in 1884.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday Times
I know in these enlightened times I should be picturing God as a Black Asian hermaphrodite but in my head He will always be an Old Jewish Guy. Less smitey than he used to be, but still full of piss and vinegar.
He looks like one of the old Hollywood moguls from the studio days. The kinda guy who was a real SOB in the board room but had a million kids and grand kids crawling all over him at home.
I think God drinks whiskey, good whiskey, wears expensive but old wing tips, smokes Cuban cigars and from time to time gives his secretary a pat on the butt. Much to St. Peter's chagrin. St. Peter being his secretary.
Mrs. God was freakin HOT in her day and now makes one Hell of a brisket. That's the joke they tell on Sundays. She makes way more of the decisions than God lets on.
He looks like one of the old Hollywood moguls from the studio days. The kinda guy who was a real SOB in the board room but had a million kids and grand kids crawling all over him at home.
I think God drinks whiskey, good whiskey, wears expensive but old wing tips, smokes Cuban cigars and from time to time gives his secretary a pat on the butt. Much to St. Peter's chagrin. St. Peter being his secretary.
Mrs. God was freakin HOT in her day and now makes one Hell of a brisket. That's the joke they tell on Sundays. She makes way more of the decisions than God lets on.
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