Tick Tock

I was watching the show about the bitchy matchmaker lady on that channel for female cliches and decided to think about some of the stuff she was saying. Just for fun.

One thing was to work out my own "issues" prior to going out looking for love. This is new. I have always hoped that I would meet and fall in love with someone who would wave his wand (tee hee) solve all my problems and if not fix my flaws, love me in spite of them. 

I don't have time for that. Issue free or not I do not think an emotionally healthy octogenarian will be as sexually appealing as a fucked up thirty ish. I am going to skip this one.

She also says I should not limit myself to a certain type or age. Okay, I can deal with this one. Within reason. I have ventured 10 years my junior and 13 years my senior. I feel that a few more years on either end and I would be either predator or prey.
As for type... Well, if under employed yet somewhat handsome is a type that would be it. Like real estate I seem to be drawn to fixer uppers. But can never flip them at the end. Not for a profit. Can't even give them away. I`ve tried.

Turd of wisdom the next, act your age and don't be judgemental.

Fuck you lady you're not the boss of me you low class new money cow!!!  scans ass and emails it to network..pours age appropriate gin & tonic.

Believe me, the very last thing I need to do right now with regards to the opposite sex is NOT be judgemental. I think I need to use ALL my judgement, my friends' judgement and the Catholic church may have some spare judgement laying around I can borrow. I'm waiting on a call back from the Vatican now.

Lets put it this way, if we gathered up my exes in a room and asked them to produce more than one tax return each for say 2005-2011 most would flee the rest would look confused and have a nap.

As for the acting my age part I don't know what that means. I am going to skip it.

I am no closer to finding someone to date than I was three months ago. I know that it is all my own fault. I am also violating another of her rules on a near constant basis, I don't make time for dating.

I can make time for just about anything. I justify validate and make appear normal, the most outrageous pass times. Dating is not one of those. Dating is a job interview. Job interviews suck. I ALWAYS get the job. I always hate my job. Therefore a successful date will result in an annoying partnership. I may have a weekend of of drunk closet purging planned but yes that is far too busy to meet you for sushi. And anyway, you invited me for sushi, now I have to explain why I don't like the trendiest food to hit Saint John in years. See, pain in my ass. I don't have time for this crap.

See, I am not one of those women who is all giddy at the thought of a phone call Wednesday for a date Saturday with Mr. Suitable. Maybe a movie through the week if you're really goal oriented. 

The thought of two Mr. Suitables a week every week until I find the most suitable of them all is exhausting. Because you know I would have sex with them.

What happens if I spend all this time that I MADE just for dating and he's a big dumb dud where I need him most? Even 10 years or more younger than me there is no excuse. Step by step instructions are available free online, there is no excuse for that kind of nonsense in this day and age. Sorry Fumbles go home. 
I am not going to sit and listen to some dudes blah blah blah for an average of 3 hours a date over 3 dates and not see what he really has to offer. I can pay for my own dinner, after 9 hours of time lost I would like my reward please. If not satisfying sex, then the satisfaction of judging the sex. On my mark, GO.

How much time do you spend with a new car before you buy it? You might ask your friends what they know about, get their man's opinion on it. You might even call your parents, its a big decision. Years of your life committed to one vehicle, possibly tens of thousands of dollars. You put a LOT of thought into buying a new car. Maybe even more than 9 hours. I am damn sure of one thing that no matter who you are, you most certainly did not buy your car without taking it for a test drive first.