I Can Totally Believe I Ate the Whole Thing. Why Wouldn't I?

I am a raging food addict and I don't care who knows it. I acknowledge I am in full control of my addiction. I can't even blame easy access to packaged crap.Or a vengeful God. It is all on me. I bake. I cook. I buy luxury food items. I use real butter and drink and I put cheese on anything that will stay still to be covered in cheese. I totally enable myself.


I enjoy eating non stop from 4pm til midnight and then wondering why I'm getting a little fluffy. I think about food the way most men think about sex. Every 17 seconds hot steamy flashes of lobster bisque or cookies fresh from the oven pop into my head. I plan my next meal while I am eating the one I just prepared. If it comes down to it, I will not pay other bills in order to buy food. I eat alone ALL THE TIME!


I can't really see me blowing anyone in the front seat of a car parked in an alley for a Black Forest cake, or meeting some guy in a shady neighborhood to beg him to let me put a creme brulee on my tab but then again my pantry is very well stocked. Like I said, I enable myself. 


According to some people I should be admitting that God is in control of my eating and in control of helping me stop eating and in fact is the one who probably started this to begin with.


I like to think, hope & pray that God has a whole lot of better shit to do. I am flattered by the attention truly but if every time I  either stuff my pie hole with pie  or decide to put the fork down for a minute and eat a carrot, a kitten gets punched in face or the sands of the Sahara overcome a small tribe, I think it shows 1. Wonky priorities on God's part and 2. Poor time management, again on God's part. 


Seriously, at the moment the 20th baby of an over 40 mother died at birth I was struggling with whether or not to eat just one piece of homemade caramel filled chocolate or all twenty. I think we know who is responsible for that tragedy now don't we? 


You would think this revelation that my over eating is responsible for dead babies and global warming would have me grovelling at the nearest temple, group, or guru to get my bad habit under control. Nope. Not even a little bit. Toast is toasting as I write. A species just went extinct. Coincidence or the result of butter and jam? You decide, I don't want butter on my key board there is already some on the screen from scones I had a few days ago.