The Serenity to Change the Things I Cannot Accept

I gave up one time and in desperation tried to recite the Serenity Prayer, thinking maybe it would help. Like a mantra, just a moment of calm in a sea of chaos.  I wanted to focus on inner calm before I freaked the fuck out and started running in circles on my side on the floor like a Stooge. I may or may not have been drunk.

Of course, being myself, I fucked it up from Go by asking for the serenity to "change the things I cannot accept" instead of the normal person's "accept the things I cannot change".

I decided that since I forgot the rest and am not actually in a program I would stop right there (the prayer not the drinking. Never the drinking) and go with it. In MY program that is step one. Calm the fuck down and make things change. The second step is Smile and Like It. It is fine to absolutely hate the situation you are in but you can't let it make you miserable. At some point something about your life was attractive and you wanted it and decisions were made to get there, so at THIS point there has to be some things that are still  worth being happy about, you may have just forgotten what they are. Go find them, I'll wait.

Basically 1 + 2 = settle down, take long hard look at what is good, smile and enjoy the hell out of it every chance you get and start rearranging the rest.

Admittedly I am a bit of a whack job but even as a hormonal cunt  teenager I found that ripping your primary living space apart, purging the crap and putting it together again was a way more effective way of exerting control over my life than bulimia. Still is to this day. Full circle peeps. I am once again a hormonal cunt at a crossroads in life where decisions must be made and things must be done.

I can't accept a soul sucking mind numbing bastard of a job, that is technically a "good" job for the rest of my life so I made a plan, schemed like  a mother fucker, actually paid bills and saved money and now, instead of being fired for missing work because my life is ridiculous (kids,migraines, assorted nonsense) I was able to beg for a seasonal lay off and get it and be able to not be up shit creek while I wait to see if things take off. And if I prove I cannot support myself by legal means, I have the job waiting for me.

Or I will say goodbye forever to working for someone else, open a bawdy house and call it La Palais Des Palourdes.  I still have a few months to decide for sure.