There Be Mice in These Drawers

I am in a state.


I have four cats. Four fucking furry balls of feline fuckery that I have welcomed into my home and my bed, fed, dressed them (only once) given medical care and copious belly rubs on the condition they eat bugs, pull hair out of the drain and kill mice.


I have 2 kitchen drawers, big ones, that are apparently filled with mice. I gag and shiver every time  I think about it.


The worst part is that I cleaned out those drawers less than a month ago, reducing the contents to chop sticks, stray batteries, keys, dog collars, crappy cameras, cell phones, assorted chargers and little ketchup packets. I was comfortable with my small contained fucked up hoard.


I am sure there are ways to tell things about people via drawer contents. Mine looks like what started with some Chinese turned into a raging key party and the real weirdo in the group ordered fries from Lin Chau and didn't even use the ketchup.


So all that strangeness aside I don't as a rule stock ketchup in my house. It offends me. I buy one bottle of ketchup a year that gets used on meatloaf and when it is gone it is gone until I want meatloaf again. For the children who enter the house I keep take out ketchup packs. Apparently I have stopped feeding the children or they have stopped whining for ketchup so as not to hear my rant about food tasting good on its own and blah blah (it bores me even) because when I opened it up to get a kid one for her chicken fingers (gross) it looked like there had been hundreds of them and ALL the packets were shredded and licked clean and pooped on.


Those mice sure can party.


I slammed the drawer and  yelled No! No Ketchup! No Ketchup oh my goooooooddd.....


The kid just kind of stood there then walked away.


Now here I am, Saturday morning, trying to work out what combination of liquor and narcotics will fortify me to clean this up. I can't even OPEN the drawer until I have gloves and a mask. Plus what the hell will I do if there are mice still in there??? I think I might open the drawer, throw in a cat, shut it and wait as nature takes its course. First, the liquor store.