Broken Pieces, Shiny Crazy Diamonds

As with most people's singledom, it started with a break-up. Six months later I don't care if I ever date again. 

I don't know your life and I care little about how you get off and how you think I could help you out. I am not into sex right now. Not having to concern myself with another person's wants and needs frees up so much of my time and brain. I feel like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz except I just got my new brain. Whiling away the hours conversin with the flowers and consulting with the rain. So far not once have my musings been interrupted with dick my face. It is wonderful. 

Some people think I am being coy. Like saying "I just don't wanna do it." is a tip I picked up from a Cosmo. Nope. Other people think they get it and are all like "You go girl, don't waste yourself on just any one, hold out for the one." Double nope. 

Still others think that I obviously have not found the guy with the right skills. They are fucking idiots. 

I am not some kind of born again virgin, trying to land a husband with my all brand new by way of lack of use vagina. I am a grown up woman, who has had lots of super fun sex, who now has books to read and friends to visit and kids to raise and interests to pursue who could not be bothered with your penis. I am too busy doing things that entertain me to worry about if I can get away with just doing hand stuff before I can go to sleep.

I am also not waiting for anything or anybody. Except maybe the guy who will go to the liquor store for you for six bucks. I am not holding out, saving myself or playing by the rules. I do not have a shopping list of qualities that I tick off every time I meet a new guy. There are no goals to this, I am not celibate pending a tall, articulate DC comics artist who is pro choice and likes to ski. I am just enjoying having older kids and some free time. ALL the free time. No time limits, no ticking clock counting down to my sell-by date. I don't feel pressure to pair off. Yet people seem to feel it on my behalf.  

I like my time being entirely my own. I like that if I don't feel like doing anything after work, no one is going to act all butthurt. I love being able to avoid having to explain myself. Especially when there is no explanation other than "I don't want to. I would rather be _____." and where blank is something so mundane as to cause an argument. It is so confusing for people. How could I possibly prefer reading a book alone to having some guy walking in and out asking questions, commenting or copping a feel? There must be something wrong. Have I been to the doctor? Clearly I must be broken. 

Look, my singleness is neither a malady nor a challenge. As awesome as you are, you will not change that. I don't consider my broken pieces to be damage. I don't want to be a smooth mirror. My broken pieces shine like diamonds, they glitter like a disco ball. Don't you dare try and put them back together.