Tiny Quiche for Jesus Anyone?

I knew a girl who was a virgin well into her 20s. She had reasons, and she stuck to them. I admired her a lot for this, but I used to get annoyed when she would tell everyone, every guy she crossed paths with. At the time, I assumed she was using this as leverage, stating her value as a female, compared to the rest of us sluts, and posting a challenge. 

I realize now how wrong I was. First of all, she never actually gave the impression she gave the tiniest shit what we had done with our hymens. Nor did she seem to be collecting suitors. I see what she was doing now. She was broadcasting that she was in fact, off limits. She had bigger things to concern herself with, your penis and her vagina, not being one of them. 

People kind of  mentally crossed her off a list in their heads. Not for Fucking. They still flirted. So did she. However by stating her position from the start, and her reasons, Jesus, marriage etc, people respectfully backed off. Her choice to not have sex became a non-issue.

So why then am I over here, having broadcast that I am Not for Fucking, feeling like Rodney Dangerfield, wondering why I don't get no respect. 

Is it because I did it before? Are orgasms linked to the power grid and all our mod cons are dependent on all adults to do their duty and put out until some sexual retirement age that I did not know about? Does masturbation produce a lower voltage? Is this like Monsters Inc. giggles vs. screams? 

All I did was say I don't feel like dating and don't miss sex. I just want to be left alone, I never asked to collect government benefits for abstaining. Settle down, I am not after your taxes. How would that even be calculated?

In this day and age, at my age, do I really have to invoke Jesus to make not wanting to screw around sound more legit? No deity of mine cares about when and if and how often I choose to "get to KNOW someone" in the biblical sense. As for your pervy God, give him some magazines, show him the Internet or better yet, keep him to yourself and out of my hoo ha.  

I should not have to explain myself. Especially beyond "I don't feel like it." 
                                    
People have become concerned about my mental and physical well being.

"Is it your hormones?"  Does it matter? What if it is my hormones changing and I don't care? Should I go on hormone therapy so that I want sex I don't want? I don't wanna.

"Is everything..OK...*whispers* down there?" In Hell? Why are you asking ME? Do have Satan's Minion written on me somewhere?
  
Or do you mean my lady bits? Have they been so ravaged by childbirth and time that they no longer function properly? Well, I suppose after almost 40 years and 2 kids, no, the old grey mare is probably not what she used to be. However medically speaking, she's A-1 thanks for asking. I may take her trekking the Andes sometime next year. 

"But you used to like it." I also used to like doing those shots of Amaretto that the bartender sinks in a pint of beer and you chug until the shot glass hits your face. I also might not say no to one of those in the future. What is your point? 

I never said I suddenly shut off all feeling and don't like sex anymore. I said I don't feel like doing it with another person, that it is not a need in my life and that I am not missing having a person to have sex with. Maybe if you listened better you would find someone to have sex with you.

"Get someone to watch the kids for the weekend." And? No really, I mean it, AND? What do think is the first thing I am going to do upon finding myself alone for a weekend? Let me give you a hint, NOT A FUCKING ORGY YOU FUCKING FUCK WAD. Not even a nooner.

Dude, to you it is coming over for a movie and some booty. You forget that you will want attention and food, that you will be here for hours. That I will have to be the one who feeds you and pays attention to you and attends to your needs and your happiness. When you leave I get to clean up the mess. Great so I trade my kids, who are now of an age that they know when to leave me to my solitude and feed and clean up after themselves, for a fully grown adult that chooses not to.

If my kids were gone for a whole weekend my time would be equally divided between bubble baths, drinking wine with and without my friends, Pinterest, wine, and fucking up the projects I found on Pinterest because, wine. Sorry/not sorry for the lack smooshing genitals. Hors d'oeuvre? There would be loads of hors d'oeuvres. 

From now on I shall decline offers to bump uglies with "I am sorry I can't. My vagina is in a sling for Jesus. But you can sign my cast and have a tiny quiche!"