Sunday Times Vol II

There has been talk in Heaven for about upgrading the Prayer Reception System or PRS, as it is known.

For years (122 +/-) prayers have been coming in by ticker tape. A team comprised of former ticker tape operators from the Waldorf Astoria and Eastern European bureaucrats have been responsible for reading the tapes, sorting them by recipient, probability, subject and sanity then forwarding the requests to the right party. God, Jesus, Mary one of the Saints, Vince Lombardi, Santa or whomever.



The ticker came into use shortly (apprx 20 years but who's counting?) after its invention and was a huge improvement over the former, millennia old system. The FDP, Fairy delivered prayers, had been in trouble since the beginning of the first industrial revolution. When they formed health & safety committees to deal with the pollution in the cities and it's effects on their wings.

The committeees eventually turned into a union (the United Fairy Prayer Deliverers or UFPD) in 1884.



In 1890 at the annual general meeting of the UFPD it was decided to end the relationship between the Fairies and Heaven and turn over prayer management to the new technology, ticker tape.

Having only a 20 minute delay from prayer to printout the newest (1969) ticker tapes were a vast improvement time wise but offered no way to weed out the junk prayers in advance. It was funny at first to get a prayer from the South Pacific, "We believe. Send the missionaries away now"  but it was not realized what an invaluable service the Fairies had performed.

The requests for ponies alone nearly overwhelmed one clerk who needed to take an afternoon off.

The Fairies also were familiar with which Saints actually existed, or who is an actual deity or not. The ticker tape, not even a little bit.

A common lunch room topic is the most ridiculous prayer recipient that day. The spirit of Anna Nicole Smith is the frequent recipient of some very odd requests. Especially since her arrival she has been teaching kindergarten and designing fashion for the Modern Modest.

It was weeks before the girls Googled her and figured out what was up.

It is hoped that a new prayer to email with automatic junk prayer filters will alleviate the backlog and improve efficiencies. Although some will say that none of the BIG prayers will ever get answered, there is hope that the features included in the new system will be able to forward these prayers to the the Earthly Intervention & Logistical Affairs Department for theoretical analysis.

The clerks are looking forward to merging with the Celestial Technology department. They feel they will get more recognition but some are uncomfortable with the rumours of "zaniness" coming from CT. And none of them wear suits. Ever.

Jesus and the Saints are most excited about being able to receive prayers on there mobile devices.

God and Mrs. God had to have a very serious talk with him about appropriate use for replies. After they overheard him discussing how to forward YouTube videos they are not sure it sunk in.

In any case, the pressure is on and those holding the Heavenly purse strings are paying close attention to the health of Steve Jobs. One thing is certain, they want the system in place before he can come up here, take over and start charging for everything.