The Friendly Skies

Soooo about that airline industry then. I did my time. Employee, passenger, critic. I've done it all. I have heard the stories from all sides. I LIVED it. I still have flash backs, tics and rage issues.


I once located a lost Mexican in the Vancouver (YVR) airport from my desk across the country in Saint John (YSJ). He was joyfully reunited with a seriously freaked out exchange student hostess. I got a letter that got pinned to a bulletin board. One day all the letters got taken down with no warning. An anonymous employee put up a small sign.


All Commendations Are Suspended Until Office Morale Improves.

The sign stayed up for a surprisingly long time. Employees thought "that sounds about right." The managers assumed one of their own did it and Boy,  what a great motivational quote! They probably had post it notes and wall plaques made.


On more than one occasion I put my headset down on my desk and wept. It is not as sad as it sounds, I was not alone. At any given time at least two people were having some kind of breakdown or getting pregnant  to get some time off.


Same shit every day. No empowerment, over worked Leads who had minimal empowerment and customer service managers who locked themselves in offices surrounded by travel posters and flat out refused to talk to customers. It was almost fun to try and ask them too. The look of fear was exquisite.


One of them thought he was awesome and tried put red and blue pin stripes on his giant white car. Not sure exactly how the police may have found out but apparently they think that's weird and worth a visit. Something about "impersonating and officer of the law" or something.


A "female" csm used to wear amazing black pantyhose with small white schnauzers on them. Pretty much sums up her personality, strange, unattractive and sweat inducing.


Once while many of you were waiting 84 minutes and up on hold I was pulled of the phone into the general manager of the call center's office, for a total of about 20 minutes. I had a sweater on the back of my chair you see, that bothered him. Did I mention that 18 of those minutes were me waiting out side his office to be seen? Like a kid at the principal's office. MMMM dignified. When he finally opened his door the round headed bastard had forgotten why he called me in. That is some good management right there. Hope you liked the hold music. 


Once, again during peak season with 50 minute hold times I was asked in all seriousness to account for approximately 4 minutes of time in "Not Ready" 2 and half years before. I don't know, I was peeing? Screaming into my own lap? Bashing my  head of the desk? Writing a futile request for a manager to please for the love of God call this guy who's baby we lost en route to Dulles International, at least give him a voucher or something for a new one.


What you don't realize is the poor bastards you are abusing about shit they have absolutely no control over, like the apparently "headache inducing" colour of the upholstery,  are going to bat for you every day over things like safety and getting your requests right and yes, even trying to find ways to save your cheap ass a few bucks. That letter and coupon for fifty bucks you got? Blow jobs. Someone took it in the face to get you that. Hope you feel good.


99% of airline employees do not agree with making customers fend for themselves. If only so they don't have to hear your incessant whining.  The other 1% have specific customers in mind whom they would like to see pay $3500 to be duct taped to a wing with a bowl of soup for lunch.


You realize that when the corporation made you the customer cart your own bag around and print your own tickets and pack your own lunch that real people with lives and kids and dogs wound up unemployed right? And the "lucky" ones who got to stay get split days off random shifts and the pleasure of strapping on a head set and being told what lazy shit heads they are all day.


The thing is they know, I know and you know that the fun, easy part of flying is being take n away by penny pinching companies that suck the life from the customers and front line employees while rewarding themselves with big fat bonuses.


I got a bonus once working with the airline. It was a Bulk Barn gift basket with a bottle of screw top wine. This was the mid 90s before the wineries started being eco friendly and dropping the use of corks. I felt screwed. Still drank it, and may or may not have had a friend drive me to the office to puke in the parking lot at 3 a.m. I admit nothing. 


I know a million different things make flying suck. There eleven different levels of pure fuckery to deal with and in the end you are tired bedraggled and broke. But you know what? Take the bus from St. John's to Fort McMurray and see how happy optimistic rested and on time you are at the end of it.