Everything Can Suck It. Including Me. Mostly Me.

I have been in a mood for months. Essentially I have not had vacation for a looooong time and my only time off has been for medical emergencies. Not relaxing fun or enriching in anyway. There have been negative repercussions on my outlook. 


I have sat down to thrill you with my wit many times but no luck. What came out was..... not me. Not a good me anyway. Definitely not a me I would say to friends, "you should meet me, she's hilarious". Not at all. More of a "lets not invite me. Shes a cunt". 


I am going through a I can't hate myself because I love me so I will nit pick and find something wrong with everything and reject it because I feel fat frame of mind. I fully admit I have been horrible but also not accepting responsibility because one of you should have slapped me in the face a long time ago. All your fault Bitches... NYAH!.


I also need to blame the men of this city. Is there no middle ground between 35 year weed seller and employed but so gay he farts rainbows? I mean come on I want to have sex and maybe hang out for a few hours on a regular basis with the same dude. Why can't that happen?


It is not like I deliberately surround myself with assholes. I actually have really awesome friends. Male and female. I know it is all me. No one could please me in this rut. Anyone who tries is destined to fail. Seriously I will say shit like " Yeah..... no...... I really can't hang out with you next week. It's too hot. I'm tired. I don't like making plans." ummmmmmm ??!!!!!? 


I did not meet a single fitness goal that I set. I feel AWFUL and look worse. I know damn frigging well I am not a troll, nor am I obese BUT I used to look and feel much better. Not when I was seventeen, I mean like two years ago. I have totally let myself go. So much so I get stressed thinking about a possible rapture because if it does happen all naked like they say, I will be mortified to meet Jesus with 70's bush and the roll of fat that I use to hold up my tits when I sit down.


This concerns me deeply. Would I flirt with Jesus and is that even appropriate? I mean its easier to be flirty than casual once your nude. How coy can you bother to be when the invite clearly states arrive naked or not at all?


All I know is that if all the brouhaha about 2012 is true and I don't commit any mortal sins between now and January then I should probably get back on my diet and exercise plan and start being less slack with waxing.