TV Out the Window, Teeth in the Glass

I will never attempt politics because I am a scandal waiting to happen. Regardless how presentable I am NOW, there are years of fabulously bad behavior that will keep me out of office no matter how many officials get bribed.


I can sometimes still live up to expectations when required. But as a regular civilian non celebrity I have had the luxury of being allowed to put down the JD and grow the hell up. Thousands of people the world over are not suicidaly disappointed if I decide to quietly sit in and knit.


I appreciate not being obligated to live up to my reputation. I will never wear mom jeans but I can safely put my hot pants days behind me. My presence is not expected at 3am after parties. 


I get mocked when I bail on parties to have a bubble bath and a nap, but whats it like when you have thirty plus years of boozing od's spandex pants and fornication to live up to? How do you slow down without selling out? 


Everyone roots for the flamboyantly damaged rock star to clean up their acts, but only just enough to be able to perform live. We like our bad boys permanently bad. Teetering on an edge, flirting, nay, fucking with danger. Young studs trashing hotel rooms full of naked stoned groupies. 


Its pretty sad now to see Steven Tyler without his shirt on but it would be sadder still to see him shuffling around a golf course with a mint green polo shirt tucked into high waisted Dockers.


No one wants to imagine what Keith Richards & Mich Jagger's balls look like NOW. (My guess is two tangerines in a mesh grocery bag) But we still want to hear them sing about getting high and busting a nut. 


What is it like for these bad old boys? Going from hot oil massages from hot jail bait before a show to ointment rub downs from their nurse after. Male actors can age gracefully into old guy roles, even knock out a few somewhat believable action movies into their 60s & 70s if they have the right kind of firm jaw line to eye wrinkle ratio.


The fact that they keep at it, in comeback after comeback, shows how much their persona have become necessary parts of their personalities. What they hell would they do if they just up and retired? I saw the Who perform My Generation in about 1989 ish. It was weird then and it would be weirder still to see it now. Rod Stewart singing Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, um, ew no I do not.  If Motley Crue were Smokin in a Boys Room now they would end up as registered sex offenders. As for Van Halen Hot For Teacher, how un-hot is that picture when its a young hot teacher and this?


At this point Geriat-Rock songs that were anthems of a generation and tributes to debauchery and  are now, when performed live, ironic. But we would not have it any other way. Rock on Old Dude, rock on.