Deja Vu & A Liability Waiver. It IS Your Lucky Day!

So if 90 days is the length of time that it should take for me to get in shape using magic beans and misery I want to prove that it can be done while still eating food and not doing a single push up. 

This may sound crazy. I know some of you may have deja vu because I tried this like 8 times before. However, I also know most of you think I am bonkers, high or both anyway, so I am doing it again and dragging y'all with me. Again. I am just the bitch that keeps on bitching. So glad you showed up.

For potential legal reasons, should any of you decide you want to try what I am doing, I must disclaim.  

I understand your need to blame others and refuse to accept responsibility for being a fat ass and I respect your right to be a douche. That being said, by reading the title of this post today you agreed to not ever sue/charge me for anything and wholeheartedly accepted the following:

I recognize that the Girl With Blue Balls of the Soul and this website is unprofessional at best. It is not affiliated with any thing or anyone healthy nor does she/it have any type of license or membership to anything but Costco. By following this eating and exercise plan I may fall down, get sweaty, eat, fart, dance, bake, cook, drink, crump, jump around,have inappropriate sexual encounters, bend, eat, drink to excess, stretch, and may or may not try and enjoy tea, drug store diet aids, mary jane, lemon grass soup and everything in between. If I hurt myself in the process of or on the way to, or in the surrounding area, during or after or while thinking about any of the above it is my own fault. Not TGWBBOTS or the website, and I will henceforth stop being such a baby and grow a set.

Now that the legalities are done with on with the show.

This is what I wake up to every day unless the Moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter is not only aligned with but is actually dry humping Mars. So whatever you have to deal with in the morning, unless it involves your own catheter, smile, you are probably better off than I am.