The Value of Everything

An old friend, someone I spent some really great times with a few years ago, died and her funeral is tomorrow. She had the most brilliant smile I have ever seen. It is what struck me about her the day I met her. There is such a thing as a smile that lights a room, she had it. She was funny. She was friendly and fun and heartbreakingly sad.

I can count on one hand how many times I ran into her over the past couple years. I had made the tough decision to take one path and she had taken another. Each time we would hug, and vaguely agree we should meet up. We never did.

I wish I could re-make those coffee dates.It would have taken two minutes to exchange numbers. 

I wish I could spend twenty minutes with each of my friends and really listen to them. I wish I could tell each of them how much their presence in my memories means to me. I would write letters to each of them that would all start with "Remember that time when..."

I look at my Facebook and realize how fortunate I am. I really am friends with and see or communicate with many of my list on a fairly regular basis. I have friends on there from elementary school. The thing is, do I ever tell them anything important? Are the online communications as valuable as sitting down over something warm and really talking?

I know I am the worst for not showing up, for pushing things off. I never think to myself, "If we don't meet for coffee tomorrow or drinks next week one of us could die, better make sure we hook up!" Maybe I should. Maybe everyone should.

We should start taking the time and exchanging numbers, or making effort to keep in touch for real. We live in the time of Facebook, email & Skype, how the hell are we losing touch with people? Why don't I write letters to my friends who live away while I am watching TV? It would take 5 minutes for me to email them and ask for their addresses. Its not like a few stamps will break the bank. I still remember how to write cursive. Am I really too lazy for friendships?

I think I need to add something else to my list of things to change. I need to stop being slack with people. I should say yes more and I should stop not answering my phone. What am I saving my voice for anyway? Is it that hard to just pick a day and time and show up? What is more important, catching up with someone you have not seen in years or cleaning the bathroom? It should be a no brainer.

So tomorrow I go to say goodbye to Girl With the Beautiful Smile, and I will also say I'm sorry  and I will hope I will never have to say that to a friend ever again.