The Value of Everything

An old friend, someone I spent some really great times with a few years ago, died and her funeral is tomorrow. She had the most brilliant smile I have ever seen. It is what struck me about her the day I met her. There is such a thing as a smile that lights a room, she had it. She was funny. She was friendly and fun and heartbreakingly sad.

I can count on one hand how many times I ran into her over the past couple years. I had made the tough decision to take one path and she had taken another. Each time we would hug, and vaguely agree we should meet up. We never did.

I wish I could re-make those coffee dates.It would have taken two minutes to exchange numbers. 

I wish I could spend twenty minutes with each of my friends and really listen to them. I wish I could tell each of them how much their presence in my memories means to me. I would write letters to each of them that would all start with "Remember that time when..."

I look at my Facebook and realize how fortunate I am. I really am friends with and see or communicate with many of my list on a fairly regular basis. I have friends on there from elementary school. The thing is, do I ever tell them anything important? Are the online communications as valuable as sitting down over something warm and really talking?

I know I am the worst for not showing up, for pushing things off. I never think to myself, "If we don't meet for coffee tomorrow or drinks next week one of us could die, better make sure we hook up!" Maybe I should. Maybe everyone should.

We should start taking the time and exchanging numbers, or making effort to keep in touch for real. We live in the time of Facebook, email & Skype, how the hell are we losing touch with people? Why don't I write letters to my friends who live away while I am watching TV? It would take 5 minutes for me to email them and ask for their addresses. Its not like a few stamps will break the bank. I still remember how to write cursive. Am I really too lazy for friendships?

I think I need to add something else to my list of things to change. I need to stop being slack with people. I should say yes more and I should stop not answering my phone. What am I saving my voice for anyway? Is it that hard to just pick a day and time and show up? What is more important, catching up with someone you have not seen in years or cleaning the bathroom? It should be a no brainer.

So tomorrow I go to say goodbye to Girl With the Beautiful Smile, and I will also say I'm sorry  and I will hope I will never have to say that to a friend ever again.

A Tad Overweight But With Violet Eyes to Die For

I am so saddened by the passing of that beautiful little girl from National Velvet.

Elizabeth Taylor belonged to an elite group of women. Iconic, beautiful, talented, famous and difficult. Born in England to American parents her birth year, 1932, alone saw the arrivals of Johnny Cash, John Updike, Sylvia Plath, Halston, Jacques Chirac, Ellen Burstyn, Oscar de la Renta, Patsy Cline and Ted Kennedy to name but a few. With violet eyes to die for and a natural glamour even as a child she stood out among a huge pool of talent. 

Elizabeth Taylor was one of the Good People. Her friendship with the wonderful Rock Hudson spawned hundreds of millions for AIDS research and charities. I love her for that. I love her for being a friend to a Gay man "back then" and when he died of AIDS in 1985 she made it her life's work to try and stop AIDS from taking other peoples' friends.

As late as 2006 well into her 70s she was on the ball and making huge donations to AIDS patients in the wake of hurricane Katrina. I think she was there before the president or FEMA but that's another post.

She was a mother of four, a wife of seven (married actually 8 times twice to Richard Burton, can you blame her? DREAMY) and lover of ummm quite a few. I adore that she married the men she loved most. She believed in love, that this one is forever. She never gave up hope. 

I love Elizabeth Taylor because right after brain surgery she had her dog brought into her. I would so do that.

I love that her surviving friends keep saying they remember how giving she was, how beautiful, and how funny.

No matter how you remember her, as a young girl in Lassie Come Home, as a full grown and very beautiful woman in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, or as the Queen of the Nile herself Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor was one of the greats.

Elizabeth Taylor 1932-2011 Friend, Humanitarian, Mother, Oscar Winner, Wife

"A tad overweight but with violet eyes to die for"  Doonesbury, January 1979 by Gary Trudeau